A Letter to Marcos, “My Day One” Suffering from Schizophrenia


Dear Marcos,

I remember when you were the one with the strongest mind in the crew. You had the flyest gear, the freshest fade, the funny stories and so much game. You messed with that Mescalin and our crew lost Jaut 1, went through all of the raids and beefs, and we both lost it. Who knows what we packed in our bongs and pipes when we were in the streets to self-medicate?

The last I saw you was in 2015 and I had to remind you that it’s still all love: I still remember your words, the strength that you once bestowed. Forever, I have love for OG Wild because of how he looked after you as much as he could. He is so honest and vile in his perspective sometimes, but he always looked out for crew like a den father.

He told me that you lost your Doctor, lost access to your Doctor and got unraveled.

I know that feeling. It is so hard. I juiced my ex-wife for two years so that I can get that good Teacher medical insurance to get the best mental health services. It sickens me to no end the humiliating “pimping” I had to do for good medical help and mental wellness.

I hope that you can find a great doctor and share again that strength, knowledge you hold. I know that you are only unraveled temporarily only because your mind is vast and towering.

At age 40, I made myself right with God “the Earth-Maker”, because I am so flawed and weak, only getting more and more feeble in time. I remembered the times I felt structure was as a boy with my young homei’s abuelita who showed me her rosary beeds and spoke in Spanish to me about her love for Jesus. I also thought about the strong ushers, youth group teachers and pastor at my church who were family-oriented, God-fearing people. At that point, I changed my religious orientation from Atheism to Christian which is laughable for people who know me well.

So, with all that Marcos, just know that you are in my thoughts and I hope to help you as much as possible.

Love always your day one homei Selim

Leave a Reply