I’m happy and conflicted, not really understanding the steps that I need to take right now. I looked for God upon my 40th birthday, 2019, because I heard a voice. The voice said that God wants to take me now. I said, please no! My son at the time was only 11.
At that point, I started to shed 20 some odd years of doubt and antipathy held for God. I held God captive because of the acts of the Devil. I despised the thought of God until I heard that voice that told me God was ready to take me away from Earth. I have prayed at least three times per day since that moment.
I feel like walking for 14 hours just to see the world that whirs by clutching to the trampled stuffed animal of my faith. I nod at every miraculous smile. I laugh at every second that God gave me reprieve. I know I’m shrouded by the demons of Los Angeles but it is the angels that carried me to this morning, praying to God with ramshackle faith. I will get donuts for my son and walk my sweet dogs.